My Dad on top of Currituck Lighthouse in 1994, taken by me.
One thing I knew that would have to be somehow addressed sometime during a wedding would be honoring my family. A few months before getting engaged my father lost his life to a short fight with cancer. My Mom and brother both passed when I was 13 and all of my grandparents are also deceased. I knew that I really wanted my Dad to be a part of the day though as we shared a special bond and to this day it still hurts that he’s no longer around.
Our ceremony location on the beach was a dear spot to my father. We’d rented this house with him a few years in a row and out of all the years we had been going to the Outer Banks, this was his favorite beach and his favorite house. After he passed, we spread his ashes at the same spot on the beach at his request. It may be slightly morbid but I loved that our ceremony was here. It made it that more special to me.
Another thing I did was I had a charm bracelet with windows for pictures and had pictures of all the people that have passed in it from my family. It was a sweet way to have them with me without, again, being too in your face.
Me & Rob the morning of the wedding
Finally I asked my Dad’s best friend to walk me down the aisle. I’ve known him since I’ve been born and they were friends since they were kids so it was the closest thing possible to having my Dad there.
Then the unexpected happened, my future father in law passed away suddenly a month before the wedding. We went back and forth about even having the wedding because of how hard it was on my mother in law but in the end everyone wanted us to go ahead with it. Originally we were going to leave a rose where he would have sat but in the end we decided that his not being there was a big enough hole and too many references to it would be hard to bear.
Photo © Brooke Mayo
In the end we had our officiant say a word for my father in law and my Dad during the service and had pictures of them at the reception. Everyone said how nice it was and how it wasn’t too “in your face” that they weren’t there.
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That made me teary-eyed. My grandmother passed away about a month before my wedding and it was a very difficult adjustment and we ended up making a memorial candle to honor her and putting a single white rose in her seat. Thank you for touching on this topic.
It’s not an easy one to deal with at a wedding but it happens. I had a bride this year honor her father by donating money that would have gone for favors to cancer research, it was a beautiful idea.
Corey Ann, I had no idea…You were so strong and brave. What a beautiful way to remember those who can’t be with us. Thank you for sharing. Big hugs all the way from Nashville!
Thank you Jonathon!
My grandpa passed three weeks before my wedding…I remember that morning it poured rain and the ceremony was outside….just as we started to walk down to the site, the rain stopped suddenly and the sun came out. As soon as the ceremony was over and we were back in the reception site (indoors) the rain started again. I’d like to think “Stash” was there watching over and making sure all was perfect.
I never knew that Jill! How wonderful that was to happen and I think he had a hand in it too. *hugs*
I never had the chance to meet your parents. I did know your brother he looked a lot like your dad. Meeting you was a blast from the past. I hope you know you honor you family with your kindness and the joy you have. You have lost much but you wouldnt know it to see you. Many have lossed a lot less than you and have become bitter and sad. Your possitive and upbeat spirit is a joy to see. You are an inspiration. I enjoyed your page and I enjoy knowing you, never change, well atleast not to much :))
Thanks Eric for your sweet words! I still find it completely wild that you knew my brother. My Dad wouldn’t want me to go about whining about my hard life, it wasn’t his way and therefore not mine. I honor them by trying my best to be “normal” ha ha. 😉